‘Why don’t you look at your _______? He/She can go through things and shit! Why couldn’t you?’
Have you ever experience being told like that? Well, you SHOULD, because you ain’t human if you haven’t experience that yet.
As for me, I can’t help but to cringe in disappointment and annoyance every time I hear those words. Look at that guy/girl! He/She is a hell lot better than you are because he/she is going through that hardship without a budge on his/her face.
Ah…making comparisons, how idiotic!
Do you know that poem ‘Desiderata’? One stanza says, ‘IF YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS, YOU MAY BECOME VAIN AND BITTER; FOR THERE WILL ALWAYS BE GREATER AND LESSER PEOPLE THAN YOURSELF.’
It means that whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you socialize with, there will be people who’d be in much better condition in life and there’ll also be some living in more misery than you do. Those lines also prove that all people are ‘born their way’—that we all have our OWN PATH TO TAKE, OWN PERSONALITIES, AND OWN TROUBLES TO DEAL WITH. If it is so, then who are we to say to them, ‘Why don’t you look at this fellow?’
My point is, we all have our own identity. If you don’t know the essence of IDENTITY yet, IDENTITY IS YOUR PERSONALITY, WHICH IS THE ‘SUM OF YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR PLUS YOUR OWN ATTITUDE’. If you believe that parents raised their children in the way they thought is best for them, then you should accept the fact that every parent in the world raised us in utterly different manner, for your parents are not my parents, and your neighbor’s family is never your family.
And because we grew up in a separate environment, we developed different ways to deal and accept our weaknesses. One may find the other person’s problem to be ‘light’ or ‘trivial’ but for that particular individual, it’s already a ‘life or death’ situation. The same applies with you. You may think that your heaviest burden is the worst in the world, but I may think of that as ‘nothing’ compared to mine.
Sadly, we often forget that very principle. We always say, ‘I’m me; I’m myself’, and yet, when it comes to other people, we tend to compare them to our own, or someone else close to us, or people we know. We become their critics, even if our intent is for that person’s well being. If so, then you are not being helpful.
On the final note, I admit that we all have our weaknesses. If you want to help someone close to you to overcome that weakness of his/hers, then avoid comparing them to other people and to yourself. His/her story is not YOUR story. His/her family is never your family. HIS/HER EXPERIENCE IS DIFFERENT FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE.